Monday, December 16, 2013

I am Beautiful

So before I post anymore blogs I want to point out a couple of things. This is real life. Real life isn't always happiness and rainbows. Real life hurts sometimes and sometimes it even sucks. Nobody should be expected to be happy 24/7. I have my bad days and I have my good days. Sometimes I want to hug everyone and tell jokes all day long. Sometimes not only do I want to rip my hair out, but I probably want to rip yours out too. Sometimes I just want to sit at home and cry all day long. And you know what? I'm allowed. I am allowed to feel happy. I am allowed to feel defeated. I am allowed to cry, laugh, curse, and smile. Having a chronic illness teaches you more than just to be strong but it teaches you how to survive. You have to make your own path in life. You can't always take the easy way out. There are going to be people who can't handle or don't want to handle what you have to deal with. And I have had so many people like that in my life. I have learned with those people you have just got to thank God for him putting them there for a while because when they no longer are there for you when you're actually sick, the least you have is happy memories to look back on. So from now on, just know that this blog can get bad and it probably will. I am entering a point in my life where things are going downhill fast. I have needed 6 liters of oxygen to walk around when just a couple of weeks ago I could go on 3-4. I am exhausted the minute I wake up until the minute I lay back down (if I even get out of bed that day). You get to read my blog and think 'oh that poor girl'. Please don't think that. I am sick, yes, but I am alive. I may not be breathing well, but I am breathing. I may not be beautiful right now because my eyes are sunken in, I am all bones and no fat, I have dark circles under my eyes, but I am a child of God and I think that I am beautiful enough.

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