Everyone says that the best times of your life are your 20's. I've had the worst experience in regards to being in my late teens and early 20's. This year I'm gonna be 25. Omg that makes me sick to think about! I mean in one way I'm glad I made it this far but in another, I don't even feel like I have made it this far. I have zero quality of life, literally. And although I've never admitted this, I'm going to now. I'm jealous. I'm jealous of the people my age who can go out and have fun. I'm jealous that I am 24 and have nothing to show for it. Where is my life going? I have nothing. I do nothing. I am happy that other people get to do fun things but at the same time I hate it. I want to have fun. I want to live my life. I don't want to lay in this bed anymore. I don't want my independence taken away because I need help taking care of myself. I'm tired of spending my life hooked to a pole. I hate it. I hate every single minute of it. I'm a strong believer that your life is what you make of it. I try to stay positive, especially on the outside but on the inside I can feel depressed more than anything and anyone.
I don't have a lot of visitors (I think 3 since I've been home and 1 that will be coming this week if I get rid of this cold I have) or invites to do anything. But those of you that do visit, it means the world to me and I thank you so so very much. I'm not depressed but I just needed somewhere to let my steam out. I don't know what my future holds. I just don't know. And honestly, whatever you do, please don't message me saying that I need to stay positive or be stronger or any of that. I'm fine. I just wanted to get my head cleared. -Katie
Just very annoyed tonight.
Sending (((hugs))). I just stumbled upon your story this past week. You will get your transplant and live this awesome amazing life with Dalton. This is just rain. Your rainbow is coming.
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