Discouraged..

Ever since I found out that I'm not eligible for the list yet I've been feeling pretty down. How much worse does this have to get until I can be listed? My quality of life sucks. I want to go out and be 22. I bet all of my friends from from high school are out tonight living it up. (I say high school because I haven't made any new friends since, I don't really leave the house.) No one even asks me to do things anymore because why ask someone who never comes. They don't know how bad I always want to say yes. So, some of my high school friends may be partying, thinking about going to Keeneland tomorrow, out driving with nowhere to go and I'm here at home. I was in bed watching TV at 8:30. I am mentally and physically drained. I know my new chance at life will come but why not yet? I'm trying to stay positive right now but even the thought of getting out tonight and going to have a drink sounds like torture. The thought of dressing up cute tomorrow in high heels and walking around at Keeneland sounds impossible. When will I get my chance to have fun, when I'm 30 and everyone I know has a kid and is staying at home changing diapers? I'll be like the old guy at the end of the bar who is drinking by himself. Of course some people my age have kids, and yeah I'd love to have a child. Anyone who knows me knows how crazy I am about Marley and Bo, our puppies. But, guess what? Like my life is being stolen from me now, it isn't possible for dalton and I to have kids now or later in life. What am I supposed to be looking forward to? -Katie